Whenever I see a particular thing which I am not to elaborate on, I am instantly transported to two events, one following the other and always reversing their appearance in my mind. One is when I first met Daniel. We walked and I showed him those things that were dear to me, those things that had shaped me. And I pointed out those places where I would find solace, those places that would become accomplices to the mischief my friends and I would unleash on those we found deserving of our wrath. Though, for the most part we kept to ourselves and reveled in our friendship.
This introduction to an aspect of my world – an external world – started what has perhaps been one of the happiest relationships of my life. After all, from it I gained an affinity for Björk. I cannot underestimate the power an onset of caresses, of warm kisses and the discovery of that point of weakness that turned every “No… no… I cannot. Seriously I can’t!” into a “Oh! I’m quite sure … yes… very much so. Trust me!” had on my mind. And from it, I was able to partake in beauty, in that purported beauty of the male form that is not just a physical beauty but one that transcends, this is to say that I partook in the Form of Beauty. And it appears that since this instance, I have never again been able to partake in Beauty, for I seem to be unable to decipher aesthetically beautiful specimens. Amen. And anyone that knows me can testify to this.
The second event is when I said good-bye to Daniel for the first time. An event that took place in that spot where we had met. I hugged him tightly and though I desired to not let go, I had to. And I cried as he left, but it was not suffering inflicted on me out of malice, out of egoism. He was not my lover and therefore he was not acting out of selfishness as is the case with the lover. He was something much better. He had to leave and I understood this. But still, I suffered for I was going to miss him terribly.
And I recall that moment when I saw Daniel again and I told him, feeling both sadness and intense joy, that I would be moving away. He sat on his bed while I sat on the floor, on occasion he would stare out his window at the rain outside while I would devour the posters and photos decorating the otherwise insipidness of the walls. I spoke to him in that tone that, I suspect, a child would take upon hearing that he is going to Disneyland. And in a way, I too was going to go my equivalent. He asked me to sit on his bed, next to him, a request that I obeyed.
Ah how funny a synopsis of Daniel! My Dionysus! That boy that encompasses all those qualities I have taught myself to love and venerate with the same passion I venerate literature. And just as I can say after spending three hours reading a book “Gad! That was awesome!” likewise I can say the same exact thing after thinking about Daniel or speaking to him for a brevity that is so insignificant that I cannot explain how he is able to light my life! He turns me into a schoolgirl who becomes rapturous after having the boy she has a crush on glance at her, even if by mistake!