I\’ve lost myself

Last night it rained; how long had it been since the last time I had experienced such a pleasant occurrence? The drops pouring on the roof produced a different but euphonious melody; each individual place is possessed of its particular sound, a unique combination of time and space.

The rain was comforting, especially after all the events in the last few weeks. From breaking out in the hives to breaking my laptop, I have seen myself closer to giving up. I seem to make one mistake after another, but I realize that were I not to focus on my life, i.e., sans reflexion, there would ultimately be life, unqualified. Things happen, they have to, and we extirpate them from the endless stream, faceless, pointless, and inject them with reason. Life is metamorphosed into a life.

It would cost far too much to repair my laptop; it would be wiser to purchase a new one. But my laptop and I have shared countless experiences. It has gone with me everywhere and helped to record what I have seen. And now, it has suffered a random freak accident, of my own making of course. My attachment is not exactly to the machine itself, but to the memories.

I recall the time we went to the Stanford Bookstore and I climbed to the second floor, past the merchandise (if it were not for the few decent books in this purported ‘bookstore’, I would classify it with the rest of the merchandise-pushing shops). I already knew what I wanted. The added iPod was an extra; I could have done without it. The experience was not as rich as the time I obtained my first Mac – an intense, rapid and blurry experience, almost historical – but nevertheless, it was fun.

Two bags of luggage, a backpack and laptop, I set out to discover the world; the majority of my trips could be described as such. When I returned from Washington D.C., There was a third bag, but then again, I was out of it. I stumbled to the baggage claim; though my mind was inundated with endless words, thoughts, I was unable to read the text on the signs. I could only interpret the symbols – the icons – and I don’t think I fully understood these. I reached my destination, and my parents, because I was forced into motion by those around me. I was not myself.

These are happier times, so it seems. I am standing under the sun – ready to confront what lies ahead. I’ll probably fall again, I’ll probably say the wrong thing bringing everything tumbling down, but so what?

Here I go.