life, the venial accident

The last few nights, I have slumbered amidst books; felt their superficies upon my naked feet, their unfelt pokes, summons to action. I have yet to learn to master the art of thinking with my feet – it is more honest, more sincere …. more real. But I cannot respond; I am dead. I do not exist but in the oscurity and intensity of the primordial womb. Only the breaking of dawn can rescue me from the abyssal cavity in which I am lost; I am redeemed.

I realize that one day, I will be idealized, glorified. Tears in their eyes, they will inject my prattle with substance. They will look at my life and from the mundane they will extrapolate their truth, i.e., nothing. “From birth to old age, even from the depths of his grave, he imparted his genius,” they will say. If ever I said anything worth preserving it is this: “Life is an absurdity.”

I return, though I never promised that I would. But they insisted and their febrile cries compelled me; I was outside myself, succumbed to their desperate becks. Dawn came, bemused by her sordidness, eternal paladin brandishing her saber. A rooster crowed “Kukuruku!” and I was resurrected; redeemed anew. I cried from sheer disbelief. Even if I had not existed prior, they had effected my existence now.

I brushed the dust off me. I ran my fingers through my hair, and every single one was there, exactly as I had remembered! Oh holy people and your fantastic faith.

Later in the day, I stumbled into the town. Though, by their grace, they had effected my reincarnation, they had not had the simplicity to effect it closer to the town! No-one is perfect. They, my redeemers, were gathered at the town square hypnotized by the kerfuffle in the distance; such was the agglomeration. I struggled, making my way through the crowd.

I awoke, brow covered with cool drops of sweat. I groaned and turned to my side, curling into the fetal position. And the oracle spoke: “Leave behind your childhood and arise!”

“But I don’t see, there is nothing there, nothing!” I screamed back and lost myself, the last syllables having consumed the last drops of energy.