so spot on

The last few days have been of reflexion. I have pondered on what will take place at the conclusion of the next two months, primarily, the cessation of the freedom I have been enjoying since March ‘05. It is not to be an abrupt conclusion, for everything has, ostensibly, been building up to this. There were periods of doubt, of hesitation but after these were overcome, the rock gently rolled; the motion has been gaining momentum ever since. Now, that precipice that once seemed distant and mythological, lies almost beneath my feet. Soon, I shall stare out and then, without thinking it, I shall let go.

For the longest time, I felt I embodied the struggle of Maurice. Just as he abjures society in order to be what he is, I too was inclined to renounce the suffocating societal restraints that in my opinion are simply petty and superfluous. In one word, to wit: I refused to play the game.

Why should I wallow in the mud simply to obtain something, anything? The mean is as important as the end and I refused to sacrifice my dignity in order to receive bread. I was not aiming for sainthood, ergo, there was no need for me to sully myself!

But now I realize that in order to obtain what I truly desire, I must sacrifice not necessarily my essence, but endure certain unpleasantness. By this I mean: you can’t have your cake and eat it too. I know this and I accept it.

Having said this, I am not looking forward to the aforementioned event per se. It must occur and it shall. There is no doubt. I do feel anxious. Hopefully I will be able to adapt to the changes that will actualize. And hopefully, I will succeed. One must accept what is to come, not with despondency, but with willingness and triumph. I say triumph, for all adversity can be triumphed over. Even death, for death is not what we are told or led to believe; everything can be overcome and ultimately is. Perhaps death is not overcome by a fantastic metamorphosis into a whimsical bird that sets sail into the sea of air, but a metamorphosis does occur and it resurrects us.